The Sin City Schmoozer

VOLUME 3 – This special Sin City Schmoozer gossip column provides updates on the personalities featured in Congregation P’nai Tikvah’s Grandma Sadie Is Getting Married…Again? This interactive dinner theater experience that will take place on Sunday, January 26, 2014 at the Adelson Educational Campus. Visit pnaitikvahlv.org for tickets and for more information.
Mamalas! Mamalas! Such news, I could hardly wait to Yoohoo you about the goings on with the BIG EVENT – GRANDMA SADIE’S GETTING MARRIED! The guest list is on fire since my first x-mail to you, her friends and admirers. The entire Las Vegas IMPS (International Matzo Preservation Society) are coming to honor their founder, our very own SADIE, who by the way, contributed another million to the Israel annex. But do I need the credit for spreading this news? Feh! I wouldn’t get it anyway.

Meanwhile, Sadie’s frummy daughter Freima, her Reb husband and their son Avram are taking a cargo boat from Israel for the chassenah. Why not a plane? I have it on good authority from Manny Shevitz at McCarren, that the Reb had a big fight with the Shochet — the Kosher butcher — from FrumSkies Airlines about which knife to use when cutting a brisket. Thank God no one was hurt!

Moving on mamalas, Sadie’s eldest, Selma and her family will be there assuming they’re free … and not in a Federal penitentiary pooh pooh may a plague befall the IRS and their CPA. But listen, don’t mention. When you see them, bettah you should just sigh. Meanwhile, their lovely daughter Brenda’s bringing a surprise. Far be it for me to ruin … so I’ll just say that Ida Berkowitz, owner of Bubbelas To Be, has been seeing a lot of Brenda lately. Between you and me, there’s a lot more of Brenda lately to see. Wink Wink.

Oh … and Sadie’s youngest, Millicent Von Krump and her fency dency husband Peter and gorgeous daughter Buffy, have finally agreed to come all the way from Darien — that’s the

Goyishe part of Connecticut — to see their mama marry SOLLY !

True, our Sadie’s 82 and Solly is 62 … but Sadie’s some cougar when she has her teeth in! And Solly? Not only is the man a genius, does he have taste in rings! Even though such a Renaissance man can’t be expected to work, for a fiancée with her gelt, you don’t buy from the Home Chazzerai Network.

Last night was the unveiling of the ring at where? His favorite place, Hamburger’s ‘R Us. It’s the size of a traffic light! Ok, a yellow one, but according to “Fingers” Gonoffsky, his jeweler, that’s because Solly hid it in the mustard. Oy was it cute seeing Solly wipe French’s from Sadie’s face, hands, and scooter.

And of course the minute she got the ring, she insured it with Western Risk Insurance. She called Francine Stocking and it was done. She wouldn’t insure with anyone else

So mamalas, make your plans now… January 26, 2014! Believe me dahlings,

So mamalas, click below and reserve your seat for this special occasion on January 26, 2014! (This ring alone is worth the trip!)

Shalom from your,
Bella
The Sin City Schmoozetta!

P.S. So dear readers, for those who do not know these fabulous words…
Frum / Frummy – Very devout, religious.
Reb – Short for Rabbi.
Mamalas – term of endearment.
Goyishe – Non-Jewish.
Shochet – Butcher schooled in kashrut
Bubbelas – Grandmas.
Chassenah – Wedding.
Chazzerai – Junk.
Pooh pooh – a superstitious spitting so you don’t bring the negative into your life.
Schmooze – Talk intimately and cozily; gossip.
Oy – used to express dismay, pain, annoyance, grief, etc.
Shalom – Hello, goodbye, peace