The Sin City Schmoozer

VOLUME 2 – This special Sin City Schmoozer gossip column provides updates on the personalities featured in Congregation P’nai Tikvah’s Grandma Sadie Is Getting Married…Again? This interactive dinner theater experience that will take place on  Sunday, January 26, 2014 at the Adelson Educational Campus.  Visit pnaitikvahlv.org for tickets and for more information.

Darlings! It’s me!
Bella Abramowitz back with more news of the BIG EVENT – GRANDMA SADIE IS GETTING MARRIED.

In my last x-mail, I told you our legendary SADIE was back from Israel where she not only visited her delightful frum daughter, she funded a IMPS (International Matzah Preservation Society) annex in Jerusalem with leakage to the Las Vegas branch. Is this a mensch I ask you?

Anyway … once she got back, lo and behold, she met you’ll never believe! SOLLY SCHWARTZ, who, in a few short weeks became her intended!
Who doesn’t know from our Vegas hunky, Solly? Gorgeous! (Especially with the new wig that doesn’t look like patent leather.) Wherever you go … from Trump to Terribles, there’s Solly, who can charm even my mother-in-law, may a grandchild be named for her already. But more, the man can write in Esperanto and won a home game on Jeopardy!? True, a career he doesn’t have, but then what Renaissance Man does?

So of course, as her BOF (Best Oldest Friend) I had to mazel tov the happy couple! We met at Hamburgers ’R Us. He likes the fries, and insists Sadie not “waste” her fortune.
Oy mamalas, love was in the air, along with the onions Sadie dropped. Did I mention our beloved Sadie is 82 and Solly is a few years (20) younger? He’ll be 62 in a week. But you should’ve seen the way he beamed while cleaning up the shmutz from her onions. I ask you, is that love? He
wanted a shorter engagement, but oy…with her three daughters as bridesmaids, and a whole town of A-listers like you, to invite…it doesn’t happen in an instant. Am I right?

Between us, when Sadie dropped her bag, I noticed a letter in Yiddish from her frum daughter Freima. IT WAS ALL IN CAPS. BLACK. Tsouris alert?! But since I don’t read Yiddish … who knows? Maybe “UMGLICK” means “WITH LUCK.”

So mamalas, hold the date … January 26, 2014! (And ladies, don’t buy gold lamé or we’ll clash, especially with the fireworks, if you know what I mean.)

Shalom from your Bella, your Sin City Schmoozetta!
Shalom from your Bella
The Sin City Schmoozetta!

P.S. So dear readers, for those who do not know these fabulous words…

Frum – Very devout, religious.
Mazel Tov – Good luck!
Mensch – a good person, a person of integrity.
Schmooze – Talk intimately and cozily; gossip.
Oy – used to express dismay, pain, annoyance, grief, etc.
Schmutz – Dirt.
Tsouris – Trouble, aggravation.
Umglick – A misfortune; (masc) A born loser; an unlucky one.
Shalom – Hello, goodbye, peace.